I've seen a whole lot lately of people accusing one another of
being 'fake' or of not being a 'true' submissive/dominant/whatever based
on what that person is interested in. This is not a new phenomena, but
it saddens me.
If I can get meta for just a second... I'd like to remind everyone that we are a subculture. We are a group that is looked down upon, that is marginalized and seen as 'other'; even outside of the simple sexual preferences, those of us who identify as 'kinky' are different. And unlike being simply queer, we can't exactly come out of the closet.
If you are gay, you can go in public with your partner, and just by virtue of being in public together, proclaim your sexuality. And that is, at least to an extent, acceptable. But you can't do that as a leather fetishist without crossing a certain line. What happens in my bedroom is not the world's concern. I don't want everyone to know that I like to wear a collar and chains. So I can't 'come out.'
But the fact remains, I am in a marginalized group. And so are you.
Knowing this is so, why are we trying to further marginalize each other? You are in the minority, and even being in the majority of the minority doesn't change that. You don't have the right to tell someone what they can and can't do, what they have to believe, or how they have to act.
I can tell people what I think, and what turns me on, but that's all. Anything that is posted in this journal is just MY opinions; I won't judge you for yours even if you judge me for mine.
So when I say that I don't get financial domination, or don't think 24/7 can actually work, I mean it with the caveat of "for me, in my life." I can't do 24/7. You may be able to. And more power to you.
I also can't really get behind the idea of non-consensual sex of any kind (including pedophilia and bestiality). I CAN understand the fantasies, but I can't condone them. Mostly, though, it's a legal issue. I won't judge you for your desires or your fantasies.
I can understand the fantasy of age play, even if I don't share it. Same with bestiality. In fact, the primary reason I can't imagine bestiality myself is that I LOVE dogs. Dogs are fantastic. But I don't want to 'love' dogs. It's a pure relationship for me, and I don't want to complicate it.
But I digress.
There is NOTHING that qualifies you as a "true" dominant or submissive, unless you allow it to. Am I a "true" submissive? Yes, I think so. But I define that in the sense that I am 100% submissive. I have tried to switch, and it made me uncomfortable and physically sick to my stomach. I WISH I could switch, but I just simply CAN'T. So I'm "truly" submissive. But that isn't a status symbol any more than being 'only into men' would be.
It doesn't mean that I am submissive to everyone. Anyone who knows me will assure you that I am not. All it means is that IF I play with someone, it will always be as the submissive. And that I always want to be the bottom of the totem pole.
But that's not the same thing.
My point is this: please don't marginalize each other. No one is perfect, no one has the exact same kinks as you, and being different is not the same as being wrong.
Today's public service announcement is brought to you by the number 14 and the letter Q.
If I can get meta for just a second... I'd like to remind everyone that we are a subculture. We are a group that is looked down upon, that is marginalized and seen as 'other'; even outside of the simple sexual preferences, those of us who identify as 'kinky' are different. And unlike being simply queer, we can't exactly come out of the closet.
If you are gay, you can go in public with your partner, and just by virtue of being in public together, proclaim your sexuality. And that is, at least to an extent, acceptable. But you can't do that as a leather fetishist without crossing a certain line. What happens in my bedroom is not the world's concern. I don't want everyone to know that I like to wear a collar and chains. So I can't 'come out.'
But the fact remains, I am in a marginalized group. And so are you.
Knowing this is so, why are we trying to further marginalize each other? You are in the minority, and even being in the majority of the minority doesn't change that. You don't have the right to tell someone what they can and can't do, what they have to believe, or how they have to act.
I can tell people what I think, and what turns me on, but that's all. Anything that is posted in this journal is just MY opinions; I won't judge you for yours even if you judge me for mine.
So when I say that I don't get financial domination, or don't think 24/7 can actually work, I mean it with the caveat of "for me, in my life." I can't do 24/7. You may be able to. And more power to you.
I also can't really get behind the idea of non-consensual sex of any kind (including pedophilia and bestiality). I CAN understand the fantasies, but I can't condone them. Mostly, though, it's a legal issue. I won't judge you for your desires or your fantasies.
I can understand the fantasy of age play, even if I don't share it. Same with bestiality. In fact, the primary reason I can't imagine bestiality myself is that I LOVE dogs. Dogs are fantastic. But I don't want to 'love' dogs. It's a pure relationship for me, and I don't want to complicate it.
But I digress.
There is NOTHING that qualifies you as a "true" dominant or submissive, unless you allow it to. Am I a "true" submissive? Yes, I think so. But I define that in the sense that I am 100% submissive. I have tried to switch, and it made me uncomfortable and physically sick to my stomach. I WISH I could switch, but I just simply CAN'T. So I'm "truly" submissive. But that isn't a status symbol any more than being 'only into men' would be.
It doesn't mean that I am submissive to everyone. Anyone who knows me will assure you that I am not. All it means is that IF I play with someone, it will always be as the submissive. And that I always want to be the bottom of the totem pole.
But that's not the same thing.
My point is this: please don't marginalize each other. No one is perfect, no one has the exact same kinks as you, and being different is not the same as being wrong.
Today's public service announcement is brought to you by the number 14 and the letter Q.
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