The speed bumps in life

If life was a simple journey from point A to point B, without any kind of curves, hills, or bumps along the way, it would be a profoundly boring experience. And yet, that seems to be what we all want, or at least, what we all plan for.

I plan my life all the time. I used to plan by five year chunks, figuring that farther than that was too far to really be able to prepare for. As I got older, that chunk shrunk to two years, then to one. And even still, I find myself derailed every so often.

You can hope that life will follow the rails you lay down, but the universe tends to put quarters down on the track. And unlike the urban legend, these quarters actually do derail you.

Useless skills

I think a lot of us have useless skills. It's like being good at Trivial Pursuit. By definition, the information in that game is without purpose. It's trivial. So if you're good at it, your pursuits are trivial.

But it goes beyond that. I think we all have skills that aren't useful. Some of them we came across honestly. By that I mean some of them we developed thinking that they would be useful. Like learning to fight as a child. It's good to know. But how often, as an adult, are you going to need that skill?

How do we process bdsm?

I think this is a question we all need to ask ourselves, and ask ourselves many times. Some people seem to think that once a scene is over, that's it, and they can walk away and all is well. But that just isn't true.

 
I'm thinking particularly of a humiliation scene. If the woman I love calls me a pathetic piece of shit, a worm not worthy of a woman, a fag who is too scared to admit that he doesn't like girls... well, afterwards, I want her to reassure me that she doesn't actually feel that way. I need aftercare. 

And it's not just humiliation that needs aftercare. a good whipping sometimes needs to be followed with gentle back rubbing. The sub needs to be told that they are worthwhile, that they are loved, and that they are safe.

 
But that's what the dom does. What about the sub? What's our job after the scene is over?

Is Financial Domination a scam?

I've seen a good number of people advertising for financial domination, and I have to say, it has gotten me wondering. Could such a thing actually work, or is it just a scam, people taking advantage of gullible submissives for their own financial gain?

To answer that question, I think the best strategy is to try to develop a way that it COULD work. That is, in what situation would there be financial domination without anyone being taken advantage of?

Well, it seems to me like the major thing that matters with the fantasy of financial domination is the loss of control, the humiliation of it. Humiliation I can identify with.

A couple of old posts about boots

I was going through an older blog and decided that there were a few things I wanted to repost...

What do I like about boots?

It's a huge question. One that involves lots of meandering. So I figured I'd post it here.

It's a fetish. That's the long and short of it. I don't know why it's a fetish, but it is. All my life, when a girl (or guy) has been wearing boots, it has instantly made them more attractive to me. Boots are almost more important than any other feature (which is weird, since boots can be changed so easily).

So what am I, exactly?

Every so often, I'll write about bdsm or fetish related things. I've noticed those are the most popular posts, for whatever that's worth. Regardless, one of the things that I often wonder about is where I fit. What am I? How do I identify myself, sexually speaking?

When I meet someone who seems to be or is transgendered, I like to ask them how they identify themselves. If someone identifies as male, I will use male pronouns for him. If she identifies as female, same thing.

That may be a bad example; I'm not transgendered. I identify as male. But what about other things?

All or nothing thinking

When I was younger, my mother started making changes to her life. Not little changes, either. Huge sweeping changes, like divorcing my father or moving half way across the country and changing careers. Dad told me that it was 'All or nothing' thinking, that mom would decide that she was unhappy, and the only solution was to change everything.

Was he bitter? probably. I do need to take what he said with a grain of salt. But the principle has stuck with me, and I've always been worried when I start to change things in my life. Am I just depressed and trying to change everything, or is there real reason to do it?