Conversations with The Doctor (1)

I have insomnia. Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I leave my body to rest and go and have a little chat on the TARDIS with everyone's favorite Timelord. These are transcripts of those conversations.

For the record, in my head the Doctor is usually David Tennant, though sometimes he is Matt Smith. And I know he's got something else he's trying to figure out. I'm just not sure what, yet. I do imagine him to be generally friendly though...




Doctor: hello. How did you get here?

Me: Hang on. Before we start, let's set some ground rules.

Doctor: All right. Then you'll tell me how you got here?

Me: No. I don't want to play with the whole meta abstraction thing. We're not going to pretend that you don't know how I'm here, or be surprised that I have seen so many of your adventures. We're not going to pretend that it's strange, or that you don't know you're a television show, or anything like that. We're just going to take it as read that I know things about you that no one else in the universe you live in knows, and accept that since this is all happening in my imagination, there's no need to ask silly questions.

Doctor: Very good. Saves me a fair bit of time.

Me: That's the idea, yes.

Doctor: Then what shall we discuss tonight?

Me: How about the nature of the universe?

Doctor: you don't do simple, do you?

Me: No. I'm very clever.

Doctor: yes, I'm picking up on that. I wonder if maybe you're too clever.

Me: What do you mean?

Doctor: never mind, not important just now. We were talking about the universe. What about it?

Me: Is it infinite?

Doctor: Yes. Well, no. Well, yes, but not really.

Me: What?

Doctor: The universe contains all of space, right? By definition, I mean. If there was an outside of it, that wouldn't be the outside; the outside would be part of the universe.

Me: Because the universe is all things. Got it.

Doctor: Only it doesn't go on forever. Not really.

Me: Because it expanded from the Big Bang?

Doctor: If you like. I'm not going to change your mind on that score.

Me: What?

Doctor: Nothing, nothing. Spoilers and all that. Now, the universe expands from the Big Bang, right?

Me: Yes. Which means there's a center.

Doctor: But there isn't. It's infinite.

Me: The center of any space is the point from which it is equidistant to all borders of that space. So either the universe is infinite, in which case it has no borders and therefore no center, or it is finite, in which case there is a center.

Doctor: well, no, not exactly.

Me: why not?

Doctor: because if there is a center, then there is a border. But if there is a border, then there's an outside. And there can't be an outside, because--

Me: because the universe is all that there is.

Doctor: I didn't say that. I said the universe contains all of space. There are things and then there are things. Spacey-wacey things.

Me: Mumbo jumbo. But we'll get to that.

Doctor: Too clever by half. And arrogant to.

Me: Yes. But we're not talking about you.

Doctor: No. We're not.

(pause)

Doctor: We're talking about the universe. About the center and the fact that there is no center, but there are an infinite number of centers.

Me: Because everything is moving away from everything else. The universe expands like a rubber sheet.

Doctor: That's quite a good analogy.

Me: Thanks. It helped me understand and explain the TARDIS.

Doctor: You can explain the TARDIS?

Me: How it's bigger on the inside, yes. It's a matter of dimensions. It's right in the name.

Doctor: Relative Dimensions, yes.

(pause)

Doctor: Not important. The universe is endless. There is no outside. But that doesn't mean it's infinite.

Me: Endlessly finite. I like that.

Doctor: Only it is infinite. No matter how far you go, no matter how fast you go, you'll never get to the edge.

Me: Because if there's an edge, there's something past that edge. Okay, I'm with you. So it's the same distance in every direction.

Doctor: From every point. Infinite distance in all directions. Every point is the center.

Me: but that's not possible.

Doctor: nor is it true. But it works for our discussion, doesn't it? You can't get outside the universe, you can't get beyond it.

Me: But you can. I've seen you. You go beyond the universe all the time. And you go to other universes.

Doctor: which means that there must be an outside.

Me: but you said there isn't.

Doctor: Not outside of the space, no. But there's this whole wibbly-wobbly thing.

Me: Let's not do that. We're talking abstract enough, let's not throw nonsense hand-waving gibberish in to the mix.

Doctor: So you think there's a way to explain it without my wibbly words?

Me: Sure. There has to be.

Doctor: Why?

Me: Because everything has to have an explanation.

Doctor: Why?

Me: because otherwise, it's just 'turtles all the way down.'

Doctor: Oh, I quite like that. You are a clever one.

Me: So you keep saying. Can we get back to it?

Doctor: Of course, yes. We were confronted with a new set of paradox. There is no way to get outside the universe, but there must be an outside of the universe, because I've been there. Do I just laugh in the face of paradox?

Me: Generally, it seems.

Doctor: You said you could explain without wibbly words.

Me: I said there was a way to explain.

Doctor: Do you have it?

Me: I think so. What if the universe was only the whole of space, of three dimensions.

Doctor: Go on.

Me: So in three dimensions, there's no way to get outside the universe, because there can be no outside. But a fourth dimension would allow it. Or a fifth. Or a sixteenth. I think that's what they're up to now, isn't it?

Doctor: I wouldn't know. Well, I would, but I wouldn't tell you.

Me: Fair enough. Anyway, getting out of this universe would be no different from getting out of a prison in Flatland.

Doctor: If you were a four dimensional being.

Me: Or if I had a machine that operated and existed outside the three dimensions.

Doctor: Like the TARDIS.

Me: Like the TARDIS. It has to exist outside of the three dimensions of normal space.

Doctor: Why?

Me: Otherwise, it wouldn't be able to move through those three dimensions the way it does. You violate all sorts of laws of physics when you fly.

Doctor: No I don't.

Me: No, you don't. Not if you exist outside of the three dimensions the rest of us are stuck in. If you have access to even one other dimension, then you can do all the things you do without it being physically impossible.

Doctor: I do impossible things all the time.

Me: No you don't. You do extremely improbable things. If you can do them, they aren't impossible. Something that is impossible can't be done. By definition. It is lacking possibility. If it is done, then it is possible. Ergo, nothing you do is impossible.

Doctor: Impossible for you.

Me: No. Just more improbable. Most of the things you do, if I wanted to do them as well, would just include my needing a TARDIS and sonic screwdriver of my own. Not impossible to get; just very, very unlikely.

Doctor: Is it your intention to take these things?

Me: No. And I'm not sure I could if I wanted to. I mean, maybe there's a slim possibility, but too slim to be worth mentioning.

Doctor: And a small enough probability is practically the same as no probability.

Me: That sounds like something mathematical we can talk about. But not this time. We're getting off track.

Doctor: Yes, I do that. Part of my charm.

Me: I know. But let me get back to it, or at least towards it.

Doctor: All right. If you like.

Me: So. There are things that would be impossible if you were limited to three dimensions. And you do them. Ergo, you are not limited to the same three dimensions. The TARDIS may herself have only three physical dimensions, but they aren't the same three as the rest of the universe.

Doctor: How do you figure?

Me: If they were, she wouldn't be bigger on the inside. She may share one or even two dimensions with the rest of the universe, but there has to be some of her that is outside of those. That's how it can be bigger on the inside. That's the basis of Timelord technology, isn't it? Access to other physical dimensions.

Doctor: How do you know that?

Me: You mentioned it when talking to the Arachnos. When you explained that your pockets were bigger on the inside. Basis of Timelords.

Doctor: I didn't say anything about physical dimensions.

Me: You didn't have to. You usually don't. You get all wibbly-wobbly.

Doctor: That bothers you, doesn't it?

Me: It's just lazy. There are explanations, but you don't want to take the time to give them. I understand. But these conversations are specifically about finding those explanations, so I don't want to wave away the wibbly.

Doctor: These conversations? This is just one.

Me: So far. But there will be others.

Doctor: How do you know that?

Me: Call it a hunch, Doctor.