Why I am this way (Masochism)

I've heard a lot of theories about why people are into BDSM. Especially when talking about masochists. I've heard that it has to do with abuse, or neglecting parents, or with trauma of some kind. And for some people, maybe that's right. But not for me. For me, that's a bunch of bullshit.

Did I have the perfect childhood? No. My parents divorced when I was young, my mother was an alcoholic and my dad was not very emotionally available. But I wasn't abused. I wasn't neglected. There was no trauma. Nothing happened that made me decide I wanted to have the shit kicked out of me.



And, to be clear, it does have to be in a sexual context. I've been in fights, and they don't turn me on. I've fallen and scraped a knee, or stubbed my toe, and none of that aroused me. Masochism is about getting sexual pleasure from pain, but not just ANY pain.

It's about sensation. About tricking your brain. Somewhere along the way, a switch flips, and pain becomes pleasure. Sensation, all sensation, becomes pleasure.

But that's not true. Not really. If you're into that sort of thing, and you do a bunch of needle play, sticking long needles under your skin and then whipping the back so that the needles bend under the skin, that might bring you pleasure. But you would still be in pain if the needles were torn out. If you like being whipped, you'd still feel pain from being stabbed. Pain is pain. It's just that we can register it differently, in the right context, if we're careful.

That's what masochism is. It's like a willful rewriting of your own brain chemistry. Are wires crossed? maybe; but you're the one crossing them. You're the one who decides that this feels good, rather than bad.

Sometimes, it's a matter of piling up enough sensation. Maybe it's after the fifth kick, or after the twenty first clothespin on your genitals (an impressive number), or maybe it's just the strain of hanging by your wrists (done with support so you don't destroy bones or anything). Whatever it is, something makes you say "you know what, I kinda like this."

Those are great moments. And they come because we, the masochists, WANT them to. Not because we were mistreated as children. Not because we saw a clown die. Not because we were so depressed that pain was the only sensation we could get to, the only way we knew we were still alive.

Not to say that those things don't happen. I'm just saying that's NOT what causes Masochism. It's not a disease. It's a life style choice.

Or maybe not so much of a choice. Maybe masochism is as much a choice as homosexuality. (which is to say, not at all a choice)