White Knights

White Knight Syndrome is a serious problem. At least for me. When I see someone I care about (even just as friends) in a relationship with someone who doesn't treat them right, I not only try to get them to break up with the person, I also start entertaining fantasies about swooping in and having a relationship with them, even just as a secondary, to SHOW them how it's supposed to work, so they don't make the same mistake again.

Because they do. They all do. Boy or girl, man or woman, boi or gurl; they all make the same mistake. They begin to think that the relationship is a good one, and that everyone has to work at it, that compromises always need to happen, and so they stay with the idiot or, worse, the abusive jerk. And when they finally do get away, what do they do? They replace the jerk with someone exactly the same, because that's what they think they're supposed to do.



And how am I going to help them? I can't go up to people and tell them that they're repeating a pattern. Because THIS time is different. THIS time they're being careful. THIS time everything will be okay. I worry too much. Maybe I'm just jealous.

Use whatever excuse you want. And know that when I quietly say "I told you so," somewhere that you can't hear me, I'm sad. I'm sad because I wish I was wrong. I wish YOU were right, that THIS time really was different.

But I gotta tell you: I'm right more than I'm wrong. And that's a bad thing.

So I have this urge to swoop in. It's ruined friendships. It's made me reevaluate relationships I'm in. Am I there just because I want to help, just because I want to make someone else feel better? Or am I there because it's making ME happy? It's a tough question to answer.

I never saw myself as a White Knight. If anything, I was a Black Knight. I might be there to save you if you need it, but I'd rather just be there to congratulate you on handling it yourself. I've got your back, but the best situation is when you don't need me to step in and handle things.

But I've changed. I don't like the way I've changed. So it's time to get back to it, as hard as it is. Time to get back to evaluating who I really am and what I really think.

Time to empty the barrel, as Descartes would say. (Bonus nerd points if you know what I'm referring to)