People ask me for advice a lot. Usually, I'm lax to give it. But the reason I don't want to give it has nothing to do with the quality of my advice. I think I'm always giving good advice. If I thought it was bad, I wouldn't want to give it.
It's like believing you're always right; if you believed you were wrong, wouldn't you change your mind?
No, that's not why I don't like giving advice. I don't like giving it for two reasons: one, because it isn't always followed; and two, because it doesn't always work.
It's not that people should always follow whatever advice they're given. That's why it's called advice and not command. If someone gives you advice, offers suggestions, or whatever, that should in no way dictate what you actually do. They are making an argument, presenting a case for a certain course of action. The thing you're supposed to do is listen to that argument, decide if you are convinced, and act accordingly.
Or, to put it more pithily: nod and smile, say thank you, then do whatever the hell you want.
The part that bugs me isn't other people in this respect. It's me. All me. When I offer advice and someone ignores it, I feel like I wasted my time. Like I've been taken advantage of. Insulted, even. And I know that's wrong. I know that's petty. And I know I shouldn't take any form of childish glee or righteous and haughty superiority when someone who doesn't follow my advice then fails. But I do. I love saying "I told you so." Doesn't everyone?
What I hate is THAT I like that. I hate that I can feel so petty, and I don't like feeling that way. So I don't like giving advice, because it opens the door for me to act in a way that disgusts me.
The other reason is that it doesn't always work. We can't know the future. Well, not accurately. Really good futurists can usually be correct one time in three. But when we give advice, we can't know for sure that it's going to work. And when I give someone advice, and it backfires, or fails them, or whatever, they tend to come and blame me for it. I gave them advice, they followed it, and it didn't work. Like I'm supposed to automatically have the right answer, just because I had a suggested course of action.
Not everyone complains like this. Some people just shrug, say "thanks anyway," and go about their days, well aware that I wasn't trying to give bad advice; what I suggested just flat out didn't work. But for those who WOULD blame me, I end up feeling all kinds of paranoid. Did I give the wrong advice? Are they going to hate me? Will I look stupid? Am I stupid (well, yes. But that's not important right now). It's a whole lot of anxiety that I don't need.
So generally, I don't like giving advice. Of course, that has never really stopped me. Especially when someone asks. I may feel uncomfortable thinking about it in a meta sense, when the circumstance isn't in front of me. I may say I hate giving advice. But I'll always give it.
It's because I'm a hypocrite. And because I'm stupid. That's why everyone does everything.
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