Know when to walk away

Eight months ago, I wrote about 'losing' a hobby. I talked about taking a break from my hobby for a while, and how I wanted to make sure I didn't go back and become one of those ass holes that made me want to leave in the first place.

Well, I went back. I actually went back after barely a month off. I went back with a new character, one I enjoyed playing. I played a character I could have fun with, where I could just role play and not have to worry about the way game was run or who was in charge. I could just play.

And for a while, things were good. I was having fun at game, I was getting some good role playing, some fun challenges, all that kind of stuff.


But eventually, I knew I had to get involved in the game again. I couldn't keep on the sidelines forever, and I didn't. I got involved. I started working my way up the ranks, faster than most people. I was enjoying it.

Then some of my friends started getting run off. And I started to notice a pattern. People who made choices that were good for the game (rather than good for themselves) were getting screwed. People who were being selfish, hogging the glory for themselves, demanding attention, and not caring if anyone else had a good time were being rewarded.

I always chose what was best for the game as a whole. I wanted to make sure everyone had fun. The best way to enjoy a game, I thought, was to make it so everyone was having as good a time as possible. A small sacrifice on my part might make things better as a whole, and pay dividends.

So when I asked for a chance to play something rare and unusual, and was immediately told no, I didn't worry about it.

But it looked like things were starting to turn around. The biggest characters in the game were taken away to something that should have killed them (or at least taken away some of the things they had that unbalanced the game). One of the longest running and demanding player's character was killed. The high-powered people who were left were responsible players. They were players who wanted everyone to have fun.

Then last night, I was in a scene where the storyteller was clearly out just to win, to look cool (not for the players to have a good time). And I realized that the game had sunk back down to the level it was when I first decided that I HAD to take over to stop the game from being destroyed.

So that was bad. But I was getting through it. Maybe I could stop things from getting worse if I spoke up.

Then I found out that those biggest characters I mentioned earlier not only weren't killed, but got away essentially unharmed (and with all the unbalancing things intact). And the demanding player was getting his character back.

And it clicked in my head. Eight months ago, I didn't make as much of a fuss as I could have. I decided to let the incredible unfairness of the situation go for the good of the game. And what benefit did I get? Nothing. I got told no for just about everything I wanted to do, and without any kind of consideration or compromise.

But the guy who killed my old character for no reason (literally, he killed me because HE had to kill someone else) is getting to play the SAME rare type of character I wanted to play before. Not only did they not dismiss him out of hand, they gave him the character. My concept was better, but I didn't complain as much. So I didn't get it.

And I started to hear the song. Know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away. And know when to run.

It was time. No more holding my tongue. No more folding for the good of the game.

Time to walk away.

I'm not going to become one of those people. I'm not going to bitch and complain, make the game all about me, and be the kind of ass hole that I hate so much. I'm going to be one of those guys who got run off because they were tired of getting screwed. And probably, like them, I'll feel better about myself, better about life, no longer being a part of that game.

There'll be time enough for counting.