When I walk around outside, one of the things I do is count pairs of boots. I count how many pairs of boots that I find sexy walk past me, or walk around me. I don't count Ugs, and sometimes I don't count rain boots. I only count the ones that I find attractive.
Today, I was doing it and wondering why. Why do I find these things so attractive? There was a girl maybe a hundred feet away from me. I could make out that she was wearing jeans, that she had blonde hair, and that she was wearing brown leather boots up to about her knees. And I thought it was incredibly sexy. Why is that?
I wonder about that sometimes. How am I wired that boots alone are attractive? And they are. Alone. I can see a shoe catalog the way some people see Playboy. I can enjoy walking through the footwear section of a department store on a purely visual level. To be fair, that's about the same as being turned on by lingerie alone. It's always sexier when someone is wearing it.
But why? Lingerie makes sense to me. It's covering important parts, accentuating those curves and drawing the eye to those sexy parts of the woman's body.
Boots don't do that, though. They may show the shape and curves of the lower legs, and they do draw the eye down, but that's it. The feet aren't the sexy parts of the woman's body. (And yes, I'm defining 'sexy parts' as 'parts involved most directly in having sex') I find feet sexy. But that's not answering the question, it's just deflecting it.
If I say I like boots the way people like thongs because boots cover up and accentuate the shape of the feet, and I find feet sexy the way other people find asses sexy, that doesn't answer the question. It just leads to the next question: why do I find feet sexy?
And the worst of it is that I don't have an answer. I can say that it's because I have a fetish. But I can't say WHY. I have no idea why I feel the way I do, no idea why I like the things I do.
And I don't know how to figure it out.
And that, right there, is why I keep going to therapy.
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