Depression is an asshole

One of the most common things people are told when they are depressed is to 'get over it.' We are told to just feel better, to buck up, to stop feeling so down on ourselves. I'm not going to talk about how stupid that is. ("Just stop being depressed? why didn't I think of that?")

No, instead I want to talk about the other side of the argument. Because we say those same things to ourselves. We tell ourselves to get better. We tell ourselves to stop being so upset about everything, to stop feeling so down. That not everything is as bad as it looks, that things aren't all our fault.

Gender, genetics, and the mind

What is gender? For most people, that's an easy question. So easy that they don't even understand why someone would ask.

It's just gender, you know?

Well, okay. How many genders are there?

Two. Male or Female.

What about the transgendered? What about someone born male but dressed and acting female?

Still either male or female.

Okay. How about when someone defies the categories of gender entirely? Neither trying to act like a man nor trying to act like a woman. But rather intentionally acting in such a way that defies both genders?

Okay, fine. Three genders. I still don't see your point.

What is Manly?

I was reading something recently about manliness, and it got me thinking. What are the qualities of being 'Manly'? What does it mean? what activities are or are not 'Manly'?

I consider myself a man. My genetics, my physical appearance, and the choices I make in my formation of my identity all support that decision. The gender I perform is male. But is that the same thing?

I don't like sports. I don't like playing them, I don't like watching them. I think fantasy football is just dungeons and dragons for people too chicken to admit they like role playing games. I don't mind sports movies, but only because they only show the best stuff with the most drama.

Fantasy, reality, and the internet

Hi there. You're sitting down, presumably, and reading these words on a computer screen. So far as I'm aware, there isn't a print version of this blog, at least not yet. I bring it up because those are the things you can know for sure. Those are the realities of this blog.

I pretend that this blog has over a million subscribers, which is completely false. It's a fantasy, a lie developed so that I can feel like I'm reaching a whole lot of people with my ramblings.

Or maybe I'm lying. Maybe I say that no one is reading this, but actually, the stats on the site are ridiculous. Maybe you think you're the only one you know who reads this, but maybe everyone does. Maybe you all just don't want to talk about it.

I can understand why. I talk about life lessons and SFW stuff most of the time, but there are also some pretty hardcore fetish fantasy stories on here. And knowing that the borderline pornography (or blatant porn) is the most popular, maybe you're just nervous about letting other people know what you like, or about them thinking you enjoy something that you don't.

The point is, we can't be sure. Maybe everything I say is a lie. Maybe it's all true. There's no way to be completely certain.

The speed bumps in life

If life was a simple journey from point A to point B, without any kind of curves, hills, or bumps along the way, it would be a profoundly boring experience. And yet, that seems to be what we all want, or at least, what we all plan for.

I plan my life all the time. I used to plan by five year chunks, figuring that farther than that was too far to really be able to prepare for. As I got older, that chunk shrunk to two years, then to one. And even still, I find myself derailed every so often.

You can hope that life will follow the rails you lay down, but the universe tends to put quarters down on the track. And unlike the urban legend, these quarters actually do derail you.

Useless skills

I think a lot of us have useless skills. It's like being good at Trivial Pursuit. By definition, the information in that game is without purpose. It's trivial. So if you're good at it, your pursuits are trivial.

But it goes beyond that. I think we all have skills that aren't useful. Some of them we came across honestly. By that I mean some of them we developed thinking that they would be useful. Like learning to fight as a child. It's good to know. But how often, as an adult, are you going to need that skill?

How do we process bdsm?

I think this is a question we all need to ask ourselves, and ask ourselves many times. Some people seem to think that once a scene is over, that's it, and they can walk away and all is well. But that just isn't true.

 
I'm thinking particularly of a humiliation scene. If the woman I love calls me a pathetic piece of shit, a worm not worthy of a woman, a fag who is too scared to admit that he doesn't like girls... well, afterwards, I want her to reassure me that she doesn't actually feel that way. I need aftercare. 

And it's not just humiliation that needs aftercare. a good whipping sometimes needs to be followed with gentle back rubbing. The sub needs to be told that they are worthwhile, that they are loved, and that they are safe.

 
But that's what the dom does. What about the sub? What's our job after the scene is over?